Loveless Hearts
by woochann
Summary: A story about how Genesis reflects on past mistakes, and shows us his future. And maybe a story about how we must find our own light, in a darkend world. I will reach out and firmly grasp that which holds me tight...one-shot.


**Loveless Hearts  
**by: _mistress-of-the-fading-moon_

This is going to be a one-shot contemplating _LOVELESS_ and Genesis, as it relates to his life. I will make half of the stuff up (because I don't know much about his true history, just what I gathered from _FF7: CC_). This is kind of like a filler thing until I come up with something for my other stories. XD I hope that this Fanfiction makes sense and that I reached into Genesis' mind on some things. I'm sure I failed but I'm still satisfied with it, lol. I also wanted it to seem as if it was a letter, but who knows how that worked out. XD

_R & R!!_

Pairing(s): None

_Italics_ equal thoughts and LOVELESS quotes

"…" equals speaking

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Genesis, the poem LOVELESS, or anyother characters from the Final Fantasy 7 Contemplation. The only thing I own is this plot, and my creativity._

* * *

Loveless Hearts  
_'I will reach out and firmly grasp that which holds me Tight'_

* * *

_When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end  
the goddess descends from the sky._

_Wings of light and dark spread afar  
she guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting._

"_Come on Genesis! Let's go pick some Dumba…_

Oh, how sweet were my dreams, how pure they were. But I cannot truly remember them completely, they have become a fog in my memories. I dreamt of flying, of becoming the greatest hero in existence. I dreamed of becoming just like the person I idolized. To become a SOLDIER, and show the world I was worth looking at, worth seeing, worth loving, if only for a moment.

But soon, all dreams must end. And reality will take a breath and we suck in its stinging air. I breathed for the first time when I was told I was to become a first class soldier, and still I was unseen. I had made friends, including the one I had idolized. The one I wanted to become. We were content in the bliss that this world we had created would stay forever…

_The infinite mystery  
the gift of the goddess is what the three men seek  
but their fates are scattered by war._

_One is taken captured, one flies away  
and the last becomes a hero._

_But the three are still bound by a solemn oath  
to seek the answer together, once again._

We seek to all become heroes, in one way or another. To all become worthy of attention. But could it be possible? No. No one could ever take the spotlight and then share it. It just wasn't possible. Unfortunately, the spotlight did not shine upon me. It never had, and I grieve, it never shall.

…_but still I whisper…_

My past mistakes have led me to believe I never really wanted that spotlight in the sense everyone thought I did, but in fact, only in the hopes to see I was loved. To feel the glory, and bask in it. Even I, who dreamed so foolishly, cannot remember why, I truly wanted to become a hero. Dreams have a funny way of showing you what you want to see, and not what can truly be. Why else would they be dreams?

But still, _they_ stood beside me, as I soon, fell from view, reaching for me. I found a poem, I came to love and speak almost non-stop. It made me laugh how much it annoyed Angeal and Sephiroth. But soon, those words also became part of my never-ending dream. I wished to receive the gift that the goddess so selfishly held onto. I wanted to be free ever since my wounds would not heal.

Was I truly the selfish one? Was I truly the one who deserved this fate wrought upon me by a measly dream I wished to accomplish? Should I even deserve to consider myself a SOLDIER? I fought not for the dreams of man, but for the dreams of eternal bliss. Of eternal slumber in a bed made of comfort, and of eternal friendship.

I have been captured in my own lies. I have trapped myself in my own world, not wishing to breathe reality any longer. Where did I go so wrong? Was it the dream that lead me astray, or was it my own self ambitions? Oh, how I have searched the world wondering. And as I searched one of my friends, flew from my reach. They went to a place I could not go. Even with these sorrow stained wings, a monster cannot reach the heavens, and never should. Monsters have sold themselves to self inflicted pain, and chose to wretch the world with their existence because they do not understand that they hurt. So, could I truly even reach the world I had built? Angeal, my friend. You have left me here, to stand in self-pity. How sad my existence has become. How untold is its mystery. But I do not wish you to stay with this torn monster. I have wings, as if I could fly to the heavens, but I have grounded myself in place, captured in doubt and misgivings.

I was swept away, to a place untold, while Sephiroth stood tall, and became the _face_ of our friendship. He had become the hero. He had taken our doubts, our cares, and our worries, and placed them on his shoulders, and stood tall. Just like a hero should. Women loved him; men, wished to become his shadow. Frozen in time, were this hero and his counterparts.

Though we were no longer the same as before, we still had formed a bond, which was a silent cry. The wind constantly whispered our promise to meet again. To seek this dream that we could all become hero's…even if it cost us our lives, we would cling to that promise.

But could we, a fallen race, truly promise anything far greater than ourselves?

_Though the prisoner escapes, he is gravely wounded  
His life is saved, however  
by a woman of the opposing nation._

_He begins a life of seclusion with her  
which seems to hold the promise of eternal bliss._

_But as happiness grows, so does guilt  
of not fulfilling the oath to his friends._

Somehow, in the confusion, and chaos, I blinked. I re-opened tired eyes and saw the world, and as I looked at myself, I saw myself withering. Disappearing from view. Even though I had escaped my world, I still wished to be a part of it. I could not let good dreams die, I told myself, and this dream, was worth saving. And so, I sought a cure for this…mutation that was slowly killing me. I wished to lay down and die so peacefully, but my will had twisted, like all monster's dreams do. They can never truly lie down in peace, without causing the world destruction. But all I wanted was a home. A place to call my own.

And so I ran to my "home" only to find I had been betrayed, so I thought. My eyes only saw red, and they refused to see any other shade worth seeing. My world was beginning to turn from bliss, to malice. I was tearing myself apart, all for the sake of a dream that was not my own anymore. It was not something worthy of reaching, because I knew I could never reach it in this state.

But I was told I could be saved.

From a man, who, had once given me the cells to move onward, bandaging an eternal problem that could not be fixed with glue. But still I knew that so long as the goddess loved me, brought me favor, I would live through it. Was she really what kept me going?

In this endeavor, I lost what I once clung to, even in my never-ending dream. Pride. Pride as a SOLDIER, and as a man. I had given it up for a tainted place that is not even my original home. My house was broken, the people I let in, were scattering from me. And soon, all that I had cherished, every word I had spoken, every promise I had made, was no longer worthy to my new self. I did not care what the wind whispered to me. It was just lies anyways.

I reflect with a guilty heart. I had thought I had found peace, and I was the right one. I was the one who deserved becoming a hero; because that was the only way my world would be that breath everyone breathes eventually. What lies I have weaved me to believe. What lie's others have led me to believe. I am no longer human. My body cracks, my shell is being worn away, and replacing it, is…

…_a monster._

I believe that the only reason I went through degradation was so that everyone, including myself, could see the person I had become. I was now a monster, on the inside, and out. I had let myself die on the inside, for a dream. But why would I do such a thing?

Dreams can never become reality because they would be going against their very existence. Dreams are there to be a comforter, to become a place to rest and recover, to do whatever we want, and be happy. To be truly happy. My mom had told me that once...

But reality is what lies before us when we wake. So had I really awoke from my dream? What was real to me and what was just a dream? I know now, that to be truly happy, we must pull the courage from ourselves and live in the world that is not wrought with beauty, but pain. I believe now that a world that is earned and littered with accomplishments is greater than something handed to me. Because then you feel you truly have earned something. We must learn to cast our own spotlight, and not the world's.

_As the war sends the world hurtling towards destruction  
the prisoner departs with his newfound love  
and embarks on a new journey._

_He is guided by hope that the gift will bring bliss  
and the oath that he swore to his friends._

_Though no oath is shared between the lovers  
in their hearts they know they will meet again._

I left, a monster. I used any means necessary to accomplish my goal. I even tried to use my friends; I had once promised I would stand beside, to accomplish a non-existent memory. In the very act of trying to make it a reality, it had lost its quality that made it worth looking at. It had lost its luster, and the storms began to form. The tides were out and this time, they would never come back in. I had weaved myself into a never ending knot, and I was tearing at my very foundation. Killing myself more each day. I was so wrought with pain, my friends. I sat within myself, and let myself go into self-pity. I told myself, I was never wrong.

But I knew deep down, I had never once been right. I always told myself I would be okay. This pain would pass, and so I lost my humanity, for the thousandth time. I dreamed no more, and even though I said I wished for the "_Gift of the Goddess_" I was not even looking for _that_ anymore. I had lost myself, in myself. I was constantly using a skin I no longer had the gift to see in the mirror. My hands had become tarnished, my dream had abounded me…and in my last attempt at salvation, I stretched out my wings, and let the greed, hate, and nostalgia consume me.

I told myself I had let the truth in, but all that I can weave is lies. Monsters can never tell the truth, for that is against their very being. They only say bitter things which hurt them more than others. My tongue was truly my greatest enemy. No one had hurt me greater than myself.

But still I let the hate eat away at flesh, bone, and marrow. I felt my blood turn cold; red was again, the color I saw. I stretched my new skin to its limits to destroy a boy who did not give up. Who thought I could be saved? He was foolish, to a monster. But my old self somehow pulled at the words.

He was right and for once, this monster was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was. As I looked at this tired, exhausted boy that fought so well, even at the point of death, I saw…myself. Who I once was. That little boy that ran through the fields hoping tomorrow would be as simple as today. I stared at the man, who had grown up a coward, and relied on others to make his dreams; reality. The last piece was lost. The dream I had built had finally crumbled. And now…I saw my blood stained hands. I saw my lies for the first time in a long time.

So, I sighed. How long had it been since I sighed? How long since I had relaxed? And how long had it been since I had pride? And no longer did I fight for myself, or a dream. No, I fought, because this _boy_, had showed me that we fight for the sake of our friends. We fight to the bitter end because we no longer fight for ourselves. We fight to make sure those around us are safe and secure. That is SOLDIER pride.

And it is my pride.

In my last attempts to destroy my dream's hunger, I told this boy to fight with me, one last time. For now, I was whole. No crack marred my skin, no wing did I spread…but my sword I did raise. My hopes, my dreams, my reality, were as it should be. If I was to become a hero in the end, then so be it. But now, I only sought the "gift". Unsure were my steps, but steady were their pace. I saw different hues, and now red no longer was the color I saw. And I smirked, for I could not smile, not yet.

And even though I fought against you, I will say this to you now boy, and to you Angeal and Sephiroth, my lost friends, in a silent cry.

_Thank you._

_My friend, the fates are cruel  
There are no dreams, no honor remains  
the arrow has left the bow of the goddess._

_My soul, corrupted by vengeance  
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey  
in my own salvation  
And your eternal slumber._

_Legend shall speak  
of sacrifice at world's end  
the wind sails over the water's surface  
quietly, but surely._

As I fall at the hands of this boy, I drift ever so softly. I hear my sigh. I hear my heart, slowly, ever so slowly, failing me. But I am not sad nor am I glad, to be honest. I am as I should be; content. If this is where I have been chosen to die, then this is where I shall lay my head.

But I see a light ahead of me. A sliver of hope escapes my lips as I look upon the goddess I have so long sought to see. Was I here for this gift she had promised those who stayed beside her? Or was I here to be shunned one last time. She was so beautiful, not even the angel's rivaled her beauty. Her soft lashes closed as turned her head from me.

I was abandoned, so I had thought. But as I fell into the green hues that coursed, I felt I was finally…free.

No longer was I a monster, wrought for destruction. No longer did my dreams become all I see. As I faded, and fell, I closed my eyes, knowing I had been given a second chance. I had been given, one last try to do things my way. Not someone else's way. I could make my own spotlight and I could let others in it, to bask in its beauty, to bask in my love; that I offered to them. I finally felt I could see the road ahead, even though it was littered with trials still to come, some would hurt, and bring me pain, but I would stand strong.

I could finally see my tide pulling me back home. I could see the sun again, and smile. I could cry and not be ashamed. I could laugh, and truly feel the happiness.

As I stand before you now, I am different than I was before. The Gift of the goddess is not power, but recognition. We all have this gift. We all have the power to become great, in our own way, and in our own time. This is what I truly sought. What others think of me is left up to them, but I shall live a hero, in my mind. I am no longer tired, but rested. I can finally let myself sleep in peace. And the best dream of all…is not when I sleep any longer.

But when I wake.

_Even if the morrow is barren of promises  
nothing shall forestall my return  
to become the dew that quenches the land  
to spare the sands, the seas, the skies  
I offer thee this silent sacrifice…_

- Genesis R.


End file.
